One ring to rule them all

What does it mean to you to wear a wedding ring?

This is one of the nitty gritty questions I ask my couples, which usually gets a wide eyed confused and silent response! Now I know that wearing a wedding ring is such a usual part of getting married that you may not even think about why you're doing it.

Well, this blog is a little story of how I lost my wedding rings, what I learnt about their meaning in the process, and why I make a big deal in asking what your wedding rings mean to you.

As with every component in a ceremony, I ask my couples to question everything, and rings are no different!

Why are you choosing to wear wedding rings?

What does it mean to you to wear a wedding ring?

What does it mean to see your partner wear a wedding ring?

I had to seriously ask myself these questions last year when I lost my wedding rings. The engagement ring Durell proposed to me with when I was 18, and the wedding ring that completed it when I was 23....lost. I was understandably frantic when I was tearing apart our camper van on our last day in New Zealand before we flew home.

Pro tip: don’t take your rings off in a foreign country when you’re washing up dishes in the communal caravan park kitchen… you will forget about them, and they will get stolen.

As sad as it was to say goodbye to my first rings, I had to seriously question what they meant to me, and whether I wanted to get replacement ones, or new ones.

And so I questioned:

What did the feminist in me think about the traditional possessive "taken" display that rings are known for?
Did I really want to spend an exorbitant amount of money on such a materialistic thing? (we didn’t insure my first rings properly GAHH!!!)
What does it mean to me to wear wedding rings?

What I discovered is this… people use rings as a visible sign of marriage, it’s a way to show that a change has happened, it’s not just ‘me’ anymore, it’s ‘us’. Marriage isn’t just a document and then forgotten, it’s everyday. Yes rings are just a usual tradition that happens when two people are married but wedding rings are more than that. They communicate something to one another.

Well, as you can see, I did get new wedding rings. They are completely different to my original rings, but they are completely me as a 27 year old adult who is sure of who she is, and what wearing wedding rings mean to me.

My wedding rings have become more of a symbol for myself and for my husband than to show anyone else that I’m “taken”. They communicate a choice, because everyday I have a choice to be married, and I have a choice to wear my rings to symbolise that. And so when I wake up in the morning and I put on that ring, I am showing my husband that I choose him, everyday.

So look, I know it can be a little intimidating for me to ask such personal questions, and ones that may have never crossed your mind before, but I do it so that your ceremony is as personal as it can possibly be. I do it so that when I talk about what marriage means to you, or why you’re exchanging wedding rings, it actually reflects your values and views. It’s all part of that authentic and personal ceremony experience!!

I stand with you